Back to You
by Areyl
Summary: Over a year after the Alliance-PLANT War, Lacus has taken on the role as the Chairwoman of the PLANT Supreme Council. Despite her best efforts, Lacus struggles to stay strong against the criticism and backlash. She loses sight of herself until she runs into Kira who reminds her about who she is. But with him comes painful memories that Lacus is uncertain she is ready to face.


**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything from** _ **Gundam Seed.**_

So I decided to write a new Gundam Seed fanfic in hopes of capturing Lacus in a different light. Hope you guys like it!

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 **Chapter One: Sojourn**

 _Snip._

Lacus gazed at her reflection in the mirror before gathering another handful of her long pink hair. She calculated the cut as she guided the scissors to her head. With a resolute huff, Lacus slowly snipped away.

 _Snip. Snip._

The metallic hiss of the scissors filled the air as fragments of pink hair fell from Lacus's hands and into the sink. Lacus worked feverishly, cutting each strand as if severing the fragments of herself that she no longer recognized. She didn't want to look like herself anymore; she didn't want to _be_ herself anymore.

 _She is nothing like Siegel Clyne. She is weak! How can we expect her to protect us?_

 _She's unfit to lead PLANT and bring peace between the Naturals and Coordinators._

Lacus slammed the scissors onto the counter and studied her reflection once more. Her hair now fell in silky waves just above her shoulders. She let out a sigh and shut her eyes against the hot tears that began to flow down her face.

"Who am I kidding?" she muttered to herself, wiping the tears away.

There was nothing she could do to erase the blood on her hands, the lives lost because of the choices she made. Lacus grasped the edges of the counter to steady herself against a world that was spinning out of control. Just then, she heard a knock on her hotel room door.

"Lacus?" came a voice. "It's Cagalli. Can I come in?"

Lacus stood before the door and hesitated.

"I'm not really in the mood to talk," she said at last.

"Then we don't have to talk," Cagalli insisted. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

After some deliberation Lacus finally opened the door. Cagalli's brown eyes widened in surprise upon seeing her friend's new hairstyle.

"Trying out a new look?" Cagalli tentatively asked, unsure of how to react.

Lacus just shrugged as Cagalli entered the room and sat down on the couch nearby. In her hands were a bottle of wine and two glasses, which she set on the coffee table. She popped open the cork and poured out the deep red liquid into the glasses while Lacus took a seat beside her.

"Here," Cagalli said, handing her a glass. "You look like you could use it."

Lacus wordlessly accepted the drink and took a sip, savoring the sweetness of the wine. The two women sat in pensive silence for some time. Once in a while Cagalli would glance over at Lacus, noticing the redness in her eyes.

"So what's with the new hair?"

"What happened to 'we don't have to talk'?" Lacus quipped back, hoping to dodge the question.

"I was hoping the wine with help with that," Cagalli admitted, raising an eyebrow at her. "Athrun and I were worried when you left all of a sudden after dinner."

"It's been a long day," Lacus explained, swirling the wine in her glass. "I just wanted to turn in early."

Lacus was pensively quiet as she gazed at the velvety whirlpool in her glass as if mesmerized by it.

"The other council members think I'm weak," Lacus said with a rueful smile. "That I'm unfit to lead PLANT."

"And you?" Cagalli said, studying her friend closely. "What do you think?"

"I don't really know what to think anymore."

Cagalli considered her words for a moment, reflecting on her own experiences as the Chief Representative of Orb.

"Look, I get it," she empathized. "You and I have a tough job and we have to make a lot of hard decisions. But believe me, from one female leader to another you're anything but weak and don't let anyone make you think otherwise."

Lacus gave an appreciative smile. "Thanks Cagalli. I know you're right. It's just hard to act strong all the time."

"Tell me about it," Cagalli agreed, pursing her lips. "If it wasn't for Athrun, I don't know what I would do."

Cagalli realized her mistake as soon as the words left her mouth. She turned to Lacus with a look of deep remorse in her eyes, embarrassed by her careless blunder.

"I'm sorry, Lacus," she hastily said. "I didn't mean–"

"It's okay," Lacus said with an understanding smile. "You're very lucky to have Athrun by your side."

Cagalli averted her gaze as she was still racked by guilt. She knew of the heartbreak Lacus had undergone when Kira chose not to return to her after the war. Lacus had endured her pain privately for months until one day when Cagalli found her on the kitchen floor picking up the shards of a broken tea cup. Her face was moist with tears and her eyes were red and swollen. It was a side of Lacus she hadn't seen before.

"Have you–" She hesitated, unsure of whether to give voice to her thoughts. "Have you talked to Kira lately?"

"No," Lacus wistfully replied. "I haven't spoken to him in months to be honest. I'm sure he's been quite busy."

"You know, it might do you good to take some time off," Cagalli suggested as she reached for the wine bottle to refill her glass.

"I can't do that," Lacus said with slight amusement in her voice. "We still have to prepare for that summit we have with the Earth Alliance in four days."

"We've taken care of most of that today," Cagalli contended. "Besides this would be a good chance for you to go visit Reverend Malchio and the orphanage since you're already here in Orb."

Lacus quietly contemplated this. The idea of taking a couple of days off did sound appealing, and seeing the children at the orphanage always had a way of lifting her spirits. Cagalli could see the gears turning in her friend's mind.

"Think about it, Lacus," she insisted as she stood up and gathered her things. "It's better than giving yourself a makeover."

Later that evening after Cagalli left, Lacus stood by her window and gazed out at the glittering ocean in the distance. She knew Cagalli was right and she knew what she had to do. She reached for her phone on the dresser and with a resolute sigh searched for Reverend Malchio's number.

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